And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
