grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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