one word: firstdatebathroomanal
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
