mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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