Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
