My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
