did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
