Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
