Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
