oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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