I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
