You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
