Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
