My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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