You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
