You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
