He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
