I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
