brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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