She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We're too hungover to prance.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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