Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
