Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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