I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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