why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
