woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
