I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
please don't ironically join a cult
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