literally had 100 drinks last night.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm passing your future prison.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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