Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
