Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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