all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My dick has a subreddit
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
