burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just found puke in my bra..
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
