But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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