Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
