they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
