Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
