I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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