should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
