It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
