You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
