$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
