I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
In other news, I just burned my penis
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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