I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
