We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
