Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
