Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
