How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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