Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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