eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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