how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
