You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
