dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
